Calendar from Linda & Harriet
Happy New Year!
And with the New Year comes the inevitable reviews and stats on how well we generally do at following through on our New Year’s resolutions!
Generally, the stats say we don’t do so well and, in my experience, there’s one big reason for that… 
we haven’t dug deep enough to find out WHY we really chose our New Year’s resolutions in the first place.
Some resolutions seem so obvious.
We KNOW that we’re 25 pounds over our healthier weight, or we KNOW that the smoking or junk food is bad for us – so OF COURSE we should resolve to do something about them.
In this case, too, we’re often making the obvious resolutions for the benefit of someone close to us. We say we’ll do it because it makes THEM feel better and also gets them off our back for a little while.
And sometimes we pick a resolution for someone else’s benefit.
We may choose a resolution because THEY picked one and if you live in the same house it’s a lot easier to BOTH quit smoking or eat healthier. And, of course, you want to be supportive…
The downside is this :
That isn’t always the truth of our own heart and it sets us up for a lot of inner struggle, defeat, self-judgment and maybe their judgment too, when we don’t succeed in staying with it.
There’s a much more powerful and satisfying way to go about this and it requires a little digging – into our desires.
With resolutions a “good idea” just isn’t good enough.
You see, all the kinds of resolutions I listed above seem like perfectly good “ideas” – but that’s the problem, they’re just ideas. They’re in the mind and we haven’t brought them down to heart level yet.
The heart level is where all the power is and the fuel that will keep you going even when you want to quit, and even when your spouse or room-mate quits!
Let’s say you’re faced with the obvious choice that resolving to lose 20 pounds would be really good for you – and everyone else in your household thinks so too. That’s a fine and healthy and well-intended choice – but lets take it deeper now.
5 questions to ask about your resolution to find the desire behind it:
Take some time and sit down in a quiet space, maybe first thing in the morning or last thing at night, and simply watch your breathing for a minute or two as a way to quiet your inner world. Notice your body relaxing just a little bit and just breathe.
Then take a few minutes to reflect on WHY you would want to make that resolution this year. Next you can ask the following questions in any order you want and see what comes up for you:
- What feels important about this for you? Why?
(And when you get an answer, you can ask Why? about that, and so on, peeling layers into your heart as you go) - Is there something happening in your life right now that makes this choice more important than before?
Maybe you tried this and couldn’t follow through. What’s different now? - Is there a longing behind your resolution?
Is there an ache for something that you’re missing in yourself or your life? And how does that longing relate to the resolution you chose?
(Hint: longing is GREAT fuel for staying motivated.) - Is choosing this a way to stop feeling badly about something?
Is there an underlying desire to simply feel good again, with or without the change? If that’s the case, find a way to come to a deep acceptance of where you are now, first, so you’re not in reaction to feeling bad at the same time that you’re trying to change. - Is choosing this a means to something else that you desire even more?
For example, someone might be choosing to lose weight in order to find a relationship. If so, what’s the desire that’s even stronger than your current resolution?
Write down whatever comes up for you in the process. You might even want to do this over the course of several days in a row – sometimes we hold back a bit the first time, because we’re a little scared of what we’ll find. This definitely gets easier as we go along!
This could change things….
Based on what you discover, you might choose a different resolution all together, deepen your motivation for your original one, or decide it’s not the right time to make one at all.
No matter what you decide for this year, you’ll be a lot more honest about it, a lot more motivated and a lot more likely to succeed!
I’d love to hear your thoughts on this or on New Year’s Resolutions in general. Share your comments below.
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{ 2 comments }
Susan — I love the deeper, digging down resolution process you outline here. I’m definitely going to incorporate it into my new year’s ritual. My ritual consists of two things: First, a written review of the year ending — both the positive and the negative. But I spend much more time on the positive, creating a celebration energy. I just touch upon the negative, reflect on what I learned (if anything!), and do my best to let it go.
Then comes the second and most fun part. I concentrate on what I want to create for the year to come. I write down an ideal but ordinary day in my “new” life that’s right around the corner — coloring in my vision with as many details and feelings as possible.
This has been a powerful ritual for me in the past. I remember the year I bought a home I had envisaged 5 New Year’s Eves earlier. No one was more surprised than the owner of the house who didn’t even know he wanted to sell it! Manifestation energy is powerful, isn’t it?
Happy New Year, Susan! I’m looking forward to reading your blog in the coming year.
Thanks Carol, it sounds like a lovely ritual you have. I’m inspired to do some reflecting of my own tonight.
And that Ideal Day exercise is definitely powerful! I’ve done it before and had a moment last year when I realized I had every element but one of an ideal day I wrote in 1997. Happy New Year to you too and thanks for reading!