Carrots on a string by Rahims
In my article The Biggest Myth, I talk about criticism and how fiercely some of us will defend our need for it. We often see it as a necessary motivator and we think “Well, if not for criticism, how would I ever move myself to change?”
And if we’re used to relying on judgment and correction as motivators, it’s a really valid question. I call this style of motivation “away from” motivation, or the “swift kick” and we’re all pretty familiar with it. And we’ve all relied on it at one time or another, because, hey….it works. And, to be fair, sometimes the right kick at the right time can be just what we need.
The problem with it, is that it’s often rooted in a way of looking at ourselves that says “We’re not OK yet” or “We’ll be OK when” we correct the behaviors or things that we’re judging. And the funny thing about this kind of thinking is that it’s a self-fulfilling prophecy that tends to anchor or strengthen our negative beliefs about ourselves.
The more we seek to “better” ourselves using this style of motivation, the less OK we feel. This keeps us on a hamster wheel of constant self-improvement and ironically keeps us feeling “less than good” no matter how much we seem to improve.
“Away from” motivation seems powerful in the short term because it tends to bring up fear, which brings up adrenaline, and this is definitely our biological power source. But fear never really improves the quality of our lives and over the long term it’s exhausting and not very sustainable.
However, there’s another style of motivation, that I call “towards” motivation, or we could call this the carrot on the stick – picture a long stick with a carrot hanging on a string from the end of it, held out in front of a donkey or cart horse to move it forward.
The swift kick is behind you and it’s what you’re trying to get away from, while the carrot is out in front and it’s what you want to move towards. This style of motivation is hands down more powerful in the long term because it does a number of very helpful things.
First, it begins to anchor a vision of what’s possible in the future as you pursue the change you’re seeking. And any of us who have studied the ideas of attraction and manifestation know that this will very likely bring us results more quickly. Plus, it anchors a new vision of who you are – and every sustained change requires a change in our identity to some degree.
Second, instead of fear, “towards” motivation invokes desire, and this is pure heart power. It’s better quality fuel and it lasts a long, long time without exhausting us. In fact, desire tends to get stronger the closer we get to what we want.
However, our desire doesn’t tend to hang out on the “surface” of our life, so it’s not always obvious. Desire is sensitive and even vulnerable. Remember back in grade school when you didn’t want anyone to know who you really liked? It’s tender like that.
So sometimes, we’ll need to reflect and have an inner dialogue about what we really want. And if we peel back a few layers by asking “why” we want it, we’ll tend to arrive at a true desire. And if we keep it in front of us, we’ll have all the fuel we need to keep moving toward it.
