Happy New Year!
And with the New Year comes the inevitable media blitz of reviews, resolutions and top ten lists. And of course all kinds of reviews and stats on how well we generally do at following through on our New Year’s resolutions!
Generally, the stats say we don’t do so well at sticking with them and in my experience, and that of my clients, there’s one big reason for that… we haven’t dug deep enough to find out why we really chose our New Year’s resolutions in the first place.
Some resolutions seem so obvious – we KNOW that we’re 25 pounds over our healthier weight, or we KNOW that the smoking or junk food is bad for us – so OF COURSE we should resolve to do something about them.
In this case, too, we’re often making the obvious resolutions for the benefit of someone close to us. We say we’ll do it because it makes THEM feel better and also gets them off our back for a little while.
Or we may pick a resolution because THEY picked one and if you live in the same house it’s a lot easier to BOTH quit smoking or eat healthier. And, of course, you want to be supportive…
The downside is : this isn’t always the truth of our own hearts and it sets us up for a lot of inner struggle, defeat, self-judgment and maybe their judgment too, when we don’t succeed in staying with it.
There’s a much more powerful and satisfying way to go about this and it requires a little digging – into our desires.
You see, all the kinds of resolutions I listed above seem like perfectly good “ideas” – but that’s the problem, they’re just ideas, they’re in the mind and we haven’t brought them down to heart level yet.
The heart level is where all the power is and the fuel that will keep you going even when you want to quit, and even when your spouse or room-mate quits!
Let’s say you’re faced with the obvious choice that resolving to lose 20 pounds would be really good for you – and everyone else in your household thinks so too. That’s a fine and healthy and well-intended choice – but lets take it deeper now.
Take some time and sit down in a quiet space, maybe first thing in the morning or last thing at night, and simply watch your breathing for a minute or two as a way to quiet your inner world. Notice your body relaxing just a little bit and just breathe.
Then take a few minutes to reflect on WHY you would want to resolve to lose weight this year. You can play with any of the following questions and see what comes up for you:
- What feels important about this for you? Why? (And when you get an answer, you can ask Why? about that, and so on, peeling layers into your heart as you go)
- Is there something happening in your life right now that makes this choice even more important than before?
- What are you longing for? Is there an ache for something that you’re missing in yourself or your life? And how does that longing relate to your choice?
- Is choosing this a way to stop feeling badly about something? Is there an underlying desire to simply feel good again, with or without the change?
- Is choosing this a means to something else that you desire even more? (for example, choosing to lose weight in order to find a relationship) If so, what’s the desire that’s even stronger?
Write down whatever comes up for you in the process. You might even want to do this over the course of several days in a row – sometimes we hold back a bit the first time, because we’re a little scared of what we’ll find. This definitely gets easier as we go along!
Based on what you discover, you might choose a different resolution all together, deepen your motivation for your original one, or decide it’s not the right time to make one at all.
No matter what you decide for this year, you’ll be a lot more honest about it, a lot more motivated and a lot more likely to succeed!
Let me know how it goes!
