How to Take a Holiday From Striving

Many North Americans would say that striving is a good and noble thing.

But even though it might be taking you places, striving is actually a never-ending cycle that keeps you from ever feeling good when you get there.

If callings are the ”have to’s” of the soul, then strivings are the “have to’s” of the ego.

 Striving mostly comes from a feeling of “not OK unless_______”, “not OK until______” or “not OK without _______”.

And most of these “not OK” messages are the same ones that gave rise to your emotional needs and all the striving and strategies that go with getting those met.

The funny thing is… although this works for your ego, this is a source of motivation that your deeper self tends to resist.

Your heart and soul know that the “not OK” message is a lie.

You’ve always been OK. You’re completely OK right now, just as you are in this moment. And you always will be OK, even if you never do another thing in your life. Truly!

 So any internal message that flies in the face of this knowing, however motivating it might seem, can leave you feeling resentful and resistant.

And even if you buy the lie and get motivated and accomplish something, it still leaves you with a “not OK” hole that needs filling. And so, the cycle continues….

Now you may be thinking:

“But if I stop striving, I’ll never get anything DONE!”

To your ego, that always feels like the truth. But a while ago, I pulled down the veil around that “truth” and looked behind it and found something startling.

I did my first experiment with non-striving in the summer of ’99.

A big part of me was convinced that if I just stopped altogether, I would lay around on the couch all day and never start anything again.

But in just a few days I noticed something that changed my mind for good:

Without putting any pressure on myself at all, I found myself naturally wanting to move forward in a more engaged and authentic way than before.

Instead of languishing on the couch as my ego had predicted, stopping had actually created just enough space for the true desires of my heart to come to the surface.

Your true motivation is often hiding just underneath your striving.

And when I say “true” motivation, I mean the kind that isn’t based on the lie of “not OK”.

True motivation comes from a place in you that always, already knows you’re OK and yet still sees a greater possibility for you, your life and your world.

We could call this heart’s desire, longing, calling or purpose.

Whatever we call it, it’s the most long-burning, sustainable fuel you have and its well worth making space for it to surface.

When you stop striving all the time, you open a space for joy to come in.

Let’s face it, striving all the time can take the joy out of anything, even your truest desires and the things you used to enjoy.

It tends to be tinged with urgency and panic, because your ego really believes you won’t be OK if you don’t get there.

And you can be doing the very things your true desires are calling you to and yet miss out on all the joy in them because they’ve been buried under an urgent layer of striving.

Here are a few clues that your striving may have taken over:

• that “hampster wheel” feeling like you can never get off
• growing resentment that you “have to” do anything at all
• daydreams or fantasies of escape – whatever your particular version of “run away and join the circus” is
• emptiness or lack of satisfaction when you complete something
• difficulty winding down at night or on holidays
• a constant feeling of internal pressure
• a sense that you’ve forgotten WHY you’re doing the things you do

When you start to see this pattern for what it is, you’ll start to realize that its completely OPTIONAL!

Then you can begin to challenge your ego’s list of “have to’s” so that your heart’s “want to’s” have some room to move again.

Summer is a perfect time to take a holiday from your striving!

Things are moving at a slower pace anyway. Many people are away and the rest are pretty forgiving if you let your email, or something else, slide for a few days.

Here are a few ways to experiment with non-striving this summer:

1. Make a list of your “have to’s”. Question each one and what your underlying motivation for it is. Then see if you can let it go for a while, delegate it, outsource it or at least give yourself a break from it.
2. Give yourself anywhere from an hour to a day of non-striving and keep reminding yourself that you’re completely OK in this moment right now. Allow and notice any discomfort that arises and just breathe with it and reassure it that its OK.
3. Choose a period of time, like a few hours or days – maybe the holiday you already have scheduled – and do ONLY what you really WANT to do. This will call you to start asking yourself what you REALLY want, and that’s a wonderful habit to get into. You might even surprise yourself with your answers! (If nothing comes at first, just keep asking over several days and weeks and answers will come.)

So even if you don’t get to have a month off this summer, you can still create the same kind of peace and relaxation by just letting some of your striving fall away.

What’s your experience been with striving? How does taking a holiday from it sound to you? Hard? Easy? Let us know in the comments.

Happy Holidays!