The Aha Moment on Self-Judgment and Abundance

Most of us who are doing any kind of personal development have come across the words ‘abundance’, ‘manifestation’ and ‘law of attraction’ and one time or another.

In fact, ever since the publication of The Secret, it’s been pretty hard to avoid these terms. And most of us would like to be receiving more and feeling more ease and flow around getting what we need and want in our life, including me.

So the moment I had a month ago in the ballroom of the Glengarry Hotel in Truro, Nova Scotia was rather a breakthrough for me in this area and hope it might be one for you too.

You see, I’ve been pretty hard on myself until just the last few years. And I always seemed to have the toughest time right after I’d completed something, whether it went well or not.

That was the moment when my self-judgment demons would pounce.

And I would begin to take apart whatever I’d just done. I truly believed that this was a constructive thing to do and that it would help me next time.

But, in fact, after I started to learn and experience real compassion for myself, I realized how tormenting this practice really was.

And then I saw that I was actually avoiding stepping out and doing more of what I wanted to just so I could avoid this terrible moment when I would tear it all down and feel like crap after it was done.

This tearing down never allowed me to feel like I’d succeeded and so I never had any success to build on for the next time. I was always starting at square one.

So what does this have to do with receiving?

Back to the Glengarry Hotel….

In the last while, I’ve finally started being compassionate enough that I now reward and recognize and encourage myself after I complete something instead of tearing it down. And in the Glengarry ballroom that day, I had spent 7 hours sharing and teaching with the students and members of our Way of the Heart community.

So when everyone had left, I was the last one to close up the room and I decided to just sit for a moment and “bask” in the blessings of the day. I reflected on all I had given and I recognized the good things I had done and all the energy I had put out to the community and what that meant to my heart and my path.

I closed my eyes and breathed….and then I felt something I had never felt before.

I felt the Universe ready to send energy BACK to me, like a great cosmic Thank You!

And suddenly I realized “Oh my gosh! That’s how giving and receiving really works!” I was astounded by this.

And so I took a moment and breathed and said YES to the energy that was coming back to me and I received it. Just like that.

And then, sitting there, I looked back over all the tearing down I had done after all the truly good things I had given and accomplished, and I suddenly saw that there had been energy waiting to come back after each of those things too.

So, right then and there, I claimed all the energy I had been unable to acknowledge or receive over the years.

Now, I’m not that great at sensing or seeing energy, so I can’t say that I know for sure how much of it flowed back to me that day. But what I do know for sure is that I’m receiving WAY more now than I was before then.

Since then, I’ve been receiving connections, new friends, opportunities, invitations, help and support, love and kindness from my husband, not to mention a lovely increase in cash flow!

Is it directly connected? I think it is.

And what I know now is that EVERY time I give freely, whether I think it was any good or not, something flows back to me in gratitude for what was given. That’s just the way it works.

But it was my self-judgment that never allowed me to be there to receive it. So I’m learning to take a moment now, after everything’s been given, to just breathe and receive.

Maybe I’ll just sit and do that now…..

What’s your experience with self-judgment? I’d love to hear your comments below.

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