Comments on: Welcome to the Ashes

By: Susan

Susan — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 17:04:27 +0000

Thanks Susan! I love the metaphor of polishing us. And you’re right, it’s easy to stay there longer than necessary. You’ve just given me another point to share in Part II. = >

By: Susan T. Blake

Susan T. Blake — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 04:39:10 +0000

Hey Susan J,

What a great post, thank you very much for sharing it! Being in the ashes is definitely an apt description. I have spent time in the ashes myself, and that period of transition when you are no longer what you once were but aren’t yet your new self can be painful and scary – and exciting, eventually. The ashes can be a healing place, and they can polish us, as long as we stay there as long as necessary and no longer. I wrote about this recently in my ebook, and you touched on many of the same points.

I’m looking forward to Part II!

Susan T.
.-= Susan T. Blake´s last blog ..Grassroots Change =-.

By: Susan

Susan — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 02:41:05 +0000

Thanks for your comment Jessica! You make a great point about the fact that being in the ashes doesn’t mean we might not pop out every once in a while. In fact, I think brief periods of joy or contentment or other states act as a kind of respite – like a warm day so the winter doesn’t feel so long – that helps us stay with the process.

By: Jessica

Jessica — Mon, 31 May 2010 15:16:29 +0000

Love this. What a great metaphor for the healing process . . . I’ve been in the ashes for about a year now (although I feel like I’ve come in and out of that state a few times during this period of significant change). I think we often don’t give ourselves time and space to heal – even for the traumas that everyone else understands. Thanks for a great post.
.-= Jessica´s last blog ..How my devil and my angel make me crazy and what I’m doing about it =-.

By: Susan

Susan — Sat, 29 May 2010 03:29:35 +0000

Thank you Birdy! It feels really great to be posting again, especially connecting with such lovely readers.

And I had a hunch you and that Phoenix might be kin in some way! = >

By: Susan

Susan — Sat, 29 May 2010 03:26:37 +0000

Aaahhh. That Robert Bly…he’s a wise one alright! I’ll have to look up Gioia. Thank you so much for connecting!

By: Susan

Susan — Sat, 29 May 2010 03:24:57 +0000

Wow, Pam, thank you for posting this! This is such an accurate description of what we go through when we’re remembering our true identity after having lost it in a role or relationship. And I think the more we’ve been torn down, the longer it takes to fully rebuild our self.

The last time I was in the ashes it was almost three years as well. So I know that feeling of wondering when it’s ever going to be spring again. I want to say something like “I hope the sun will be shining again soon”, but I realized myself that there’s just no point in wishing to be any farther along than I am. Even the “getting ready to bloom again” stage is a beautiful place to be!

By: Birdy Diamond

Birdy Diamond — Sat, 29 May 2010 01:22:16 +0000

Oh, yes, several times. It’s not for nothing that I identify with the Phoenix. And you’re right – each time I’ve been ‘reborn’, I’ve come out bigger, better, more of the ‘me’ I really am.

Glad to see you & your wondrous wisdom are back!

By: Linda Gabriel

Linda Gabriel — Sat, 29 May 2010 01:10:48 +0000

Yes, I’ve often been in the ashes – just in the midst of a short visit to shadowland actually. I first learned that it didn’t have to be a bad thing from Robert Bly and Gioia Timpanelli. Your post is a shining light. Thanks for writing this.

By: Pam

Pam — Fri, 28 May 2010 16:41:14 +0000

I really know where that space is. I’ve been sitting in the ashes for almost 3 years now… trying to get past the feeling of having completely lost myself when I left my marriage of 10 years. I stepped out and my entire concept of who I was dissolved almost instantly… and since it was an abusive relationship to boot, the sense of uncertainty and loss and fear seem to be compounded because it was a sense of FLIGHT at first, then FIGHT, and then, lastly, the just sitting and being with who I am, and where i am going…
Because I don’t have a supportive network of family, just being inside myself was what I needed at first. I needed to stay out of intimate relationships and focus on reconnecting the fine threads of my inner being — what kinds of music did I like, what were my financial goals, how did I want to be with my children, how did I like my eggs, did I prefer salty or sweet, what colours drew me, what hobbies did I ENJOY — and weeding out the things that I had done in my former role and that I didn’t enjoy anymore.
I had to learn to accept that I was not the same person, even though I was expected to be by everyone else around me, and that I had to learn to negotiate NEW boundaries for people in my life. I had to learn the hard fact that people didn’t like when others changed, but resented when others resisted THEIR change or growth. I had to learn to let go of some people in my life who could not let me grow or change or who wanted me to be the person I was before, a person I could never be again.

Soon I hope to emerge from the ashes… its beginning to feel like time to fully LIVE again and start to grow and flower after such a long wintering season…
.-= Pam´s last blog ..Wishcasting Wednesday: What do you wish for your Space? =-.